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1000 days Quit SusieC
1000 days quit: “If your quit was a Hollywood movie, which would it be?”
A Hollywood movie, huh? It’s a lot like "Eat, Pray Love" I guess. When I quit, I ate (and ate and ate and bought bigger clothes with my quit money LOL), I prayed (and cried and cried), and now I love being smoke free and I'm so grateful smoking is behind me!
When I decided to quit (this time), I was coughing all the time, and just really sick. I was off work the week between Christmas through the week after New Years. I had made up my mind, this is it. I am not going back to work a coughing smoker. I was so embarrassed to be coughing and smoking like that. I will quit the weekend before I go back to work. That way, I can hide out as long as I can and smoke and cough…or so I thought.
I woke up on new years eve coughing so bad, it was about 11:50PM. The ball was about to drop on TV. I told myself, screw it, I’m quitting right now. Have you ever been so sick and still determined to smoke? It’s ridiculous. I smoked and coughed for 10 minutes. Literally, when that ball dropped, so did my last cigarette butt. And that is the last cigarette I will ever smoke! I sent a lot of prayers up asking for the desire to be taken away and it seems God finally answered.
Right after I quit, my dog got sick. I found out he had Cushings Disease. Had surgery and he got better, but he needed medication and treatments periodically. This site is all the kept me quit during that time. I lived here! Got through the ups and downs of quitting, weak week (week 3) was the worst. No doubt, you make it through week 3 and it’s a lot easier after that. I remember several days of thinking, “I don’t care if I’m miserable forever, I am not going to smoke today.”
About 7 months into my quit, my brother died. He is at peace now. But what came to my mind? I could smoke if I wanted to. No one would blame me or judge me. But instead, I came here. And then it felt better not to smoke. It always does.
I’ve quit many times and for many of those quits, I was addicted to the Q. It just replaced the cigs, I thought. Then, I’d beat myself up about that. “I shouldn’t spend so much time on the computer” type of thoughts. Don’t fall for that! That is the nicodemon doing whatever it can to get fed. Life will go on without those stupid sticks.
Life is so much better now as I look back on my quit. When I see people standing outside alone with their cigarette, I think, I can’t believe people still do that. But people probably thought the same thing of me. I saw a girl in workout clothes, looked like she just came from the gym, smoking a cigarette. And my first thought was to secretly judge her. But then I thought, that used to be me. Thank God it’s not me anymore.
You will get through the hard times and you’ll see that the craves will become weaker and less frequent. But only if you don’t smoke. Your quit, like mine, will get better than you ever thought it could. It’s better than you could ever wish for it to be. I think that is what surprised me more than anything. I thought I’d always be fighting the urge to smoke. But you don’t, you become grateful to be free of it.
The support everyone here has given me is what has helped me keep this quit. And many times on this site, when I was talking someone else off the ledge, it also strengthened my quit. (I was secretly talking to myself.) What I told others is also what I needed to hear. The elders pulled me along and the newbies reminded me why I didn’t want to smoke and have to try to start over…again.
I always thought the cigarette was a friend, and when I quit it was like losing my best friend. Til my dog died, that’s when I really lost my best friend. But he wouldn't want me to go back to smoking either. So many people here helped me get through that time. I'm still not over losing him but smoking really didn't cross my mind this time, now that I think about.
Again, the support on this site is invaluable. I’m so grateful for this place and each and every person here. KTQ