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HUMOROUS TIPS FOR THE NEWLY QUIT

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John S2
John S2 Discussion started by John S2 5 years ago
From CelticCrone on 9/4/1998


Here are my tips for the newly quit:
1.  Remove all firearms, ammunition, archery equipment, power tools, kitchen utensils, golf clubs or other dangerous items from your home.  For their own protection, young children and incontinent pets should also be removed, it possible.

2.  During the first 5-14 days of your quit, you will notice an improvement in your sense of smell.  This change may be sudden and dramatic.  You may want to avoid any areas known for strong odors during this time.  You may also discover that your home is one of those areas.  Allow 1-3 hours per day for scrubbing an obscure corner of your home in an effort to remove the mystery smell.

3.  One effective technique for reducing stress is the recitation of a mantra.  Your mantra for the next few weeks will be:  "I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean that.  I just quit smoking.”

4.  If you drink the recommended 8 glasses of water each day, you will need to remain within 150 feet of a lavatory during the first 3 weeks of your quit.

5. Many cessation experts recommend you keep a diary of your experience as you quit.  A written record of your inability to control your emotions, words and actions may be useful later on during any criminal or civil proceedings.  You may also want to discuss with your attorney, which homicidal or other violent fantasies about your spouse, employer  or local politician should not be recorded in that journal.

6.  Many people find driving a car is a major trigger of smoking urges.  If it is practical, you may want to consider using public transportation during the early part of your quit.  If you must drive, carry gum, mints, cassette tapes of soothing music, a small rubber ball to squeeze in one hand, extra Kleenex for crying jags, a roll of duct tape for swearing jags, and extra toll fare change in the event that your aim is ineffective by the spasmodic trembling in your hands.  Again, all firearms should be removed from the vehicle.  You may also want to keep your journal handy to hand to the highway patrol officer in the event of an accident or traffic offense, since uncontrollable sobbing may prevent you from speaking clearly, at that moment.

7.  Whatever you do, DO NOT LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. 
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